Can you fix this wound?
by Claude Amelia Song
Summary: Is it love enough to fix something that's broken? Hermione feels empty and cold after she finds a love letter written for another woman in Severus'things. She realised that there are more than one. And she wonders. Was any of it real?


_Dedicated to my very cool friend, Tee_

 **Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all the characters are owned by J. .**

 **The song "Behind these hazel eyes" is owned by Kelly Clarkson.**

Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition

Team: Pride of Portree

CHASER 3: A fluffy story using the prompt 'knife' (object) **OR an angsty story using the prompt 'love letter' (object)**

Optional prompts:

6\. song) Behind These Hazel Eyes - Kelly Clarkson  
7\. (dialogue) "You really told him/her, didn't you?"

15.(phrase) stabbed in the back

Betaed by Oni and Aethra. Thank you sweeties!

Word count: 2041

 _Seems like just yesterday_  
 _You were a part of me_  
 _I used to stand so tall_  
 _I used to be so strong_  
 _Your arms around me tight_  
 _Everything, it felt so right_  
 _Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong_  
 _Now I can't breathe_  
 _No, I can't sleep_  
 _I'm barely hanging on_

0O0

Hermione is with Severus; she _loves_ him very much. They have been together since she saved his life in her seventh year. She is happy with him. She likes to think he's happy too.

Hermione is right. Severus is happy.

But he doesn't love her fully. He still loves Lily. He's not ready to let her go. To let his promise of _Always_ go. He hates himself for it. He feels empty and whole at the same time. He kisses her and wonders if it's fine to pretend that part of him will never be Hermione's, if what he is doing is right. He _loves_ her, but he is not brave or selfless enough to let Lily go, so he hangs on; he still pretends. He can't let his love for Lily go yet. _Yet_.

He pretends well, but Hermione is in love, not stupid. She can sense that for him it is not the same. The love he feels for her is not as strong no matter what she does. She feels broken. Tricked. Played. She really thought he'd be the one. That he would be the person to share forever with her. It really, really hurts. She's waited so long, hoping he will finally propose. She's longed for that, hoping that everything is merely her imagination...that he isn't going to leave her one day and break her heart.

The day she finds the love letter he's written for Lily, it shatters her heart. Her chest squeeze painfully when she reads the words: "in my last letter."

Then, she feels betrayed. She feels anger. How dare he to this to her? She promises to herself he won't get to see her tears, he won't get to see the damage. She will be strong.

She _has_ to be.

But can you really be, when the man you love has never really loved you back?

Why is he even with her? Obligation? Because she had saved his life? She wants to be loved, not to be seen as a duty! She feels cheated. Without thinking, Hermione throws a vase at the door in frustration. He's cheated on her with a ghost that had never even loved him!

Her thoughts darken with pain. Why does she love him anyway? He is a cold-hearted bastard. Of course, he is nicer with her, but is any of it real? Or is that born from obligation too? She doesn't know what to believe anymore. But there is one thing she knew for sure. It is over between them. She had really loved him. No, that isn't true, it is merely wishful thinking to want her love to be something past and done with. She really _loves_ him, but she can't stay and watch him pouring out his heart in letters to a dead woman. Because she is certain that there are more than one or two letters. Hermione is no fool and reading just one letter is enough to figure it out.

"A love letter!" She fumes aloud. He has never written to her, not even a small note filled with words of affection for her, much less _love_. She cries bitter tears as she wrings and twists the letter in her hands.

It serves her right, she supposes. Harry has tried to warn her many times. After all, he has seen _Severus' memories;_ he knows how Severus thought better than Hermione ever did.

Hermione's eyes go wide with realization. Does she even know him at all?

She hopes she does. She doesn't want to think everything has been a lie. Hermione has always pitied others who have been stabbed in the back by their lovers, but now _she_ was one of them even after she'd been so cautious. Hermione can't stand it any longer and throws the letter into the fire. She wipes away her tears. Her instincts tell her there are more than two, _so where could the rest be?_

* * *

Severus enters his house and is greeted by chaos. There is parchment everywhere and in the middle of it stands Hermione, crying and staring vacantly at something only she can see.

Cautiously, he picks up a parchment and his breath catches in his throat.

 _No. It can't be true, this can't be happening, not now...not now…_

In his hands he holds one of the first love letters he had written for Lily. The chaos suddenly makes perfect sense. The living room floor is covered with all the love letters he has written over the years.

Stabs of sadness and anger envelope him. _Why_ did she have to find them? Why can't she just mind her own business and be happy with what she's got?! Why now—now, when he has finally sorted out his feelings, when he can kiss her without hating himself after so many years of guilt and self-hatred?

She finally notices his presence and he can feel her demeanor changing; the atmosphere going cold. Whereas before she had seemed broken, now she has an unreadable expression. He knew it is her defense; she doesn't want to show him that she is hurting.

Severus doesn't know what to do.

"Why?" She asks in a cold voice.

Severus opens his mouth, but no words come. What could he say? Why has he written love letters to Lily all this time? Why _hadn't_ he told her? He doesn't know. He cannot find the words to tell her, so he says nothing.

"I see," she says.

 _I told you everything_  
 _Opened up and let you in_  
 _You made me feel alright_  
 _For once in my life_  
 _Now all that's left of me_  
 _Is what I pretend to be_

Hermione doesn't want to let him explain, she is sure to fall under his spell again; she isn't even sure she has stopped falling. But she can't let him see how broken she feels.

She has given him everything, told him everything, opened her heart….and now she has to close it to keep herself sane. Still, as angry as she is, she doesn't want to say something she might regret later. The rational part of her mind still seems to work, even if it is small and not very powerful at the moment. It is still powerful enough to keep her together.

"Please leave. I need to be alone."

 _Broken up, deep inside_  
 _But you won't get to see the tears I cry_  
 _Behind these hazel eyes_

Her words are knives in his heart, and it is only at this moment that he realises that he really is in love with her. That he is ready to let go of the past. But now, it may be too late.

Hearing her crying, seeing her so broken when it is all his fault, has _broken_ him. Hearing her telling him to leave tears his heart. But he knows that he deserves this, and so he leaves...for the time being. Still, in his heart, he is desperate to return, to explain himself, to beg for her to come back to him. Severus knows that now she's seen through his pretense, that he will have to work doubly hard to prove to her that now, he _really_ had.

 _I blame myself_  
 _Seeing your broken face, breaks my heart_

Life is twisted and unfair and at the same time beautiful and full of wonder. Love is something that changes it forever. Love is fickle, though. Love can fix and break things. Severus hopes that this time love will fix them. Love has _changed_ him after all. The old version of him, the cold potions professor, wouldn't have behaved like this. He would have told her from the start to break her, to make her leave him alone. However, he wasn't that man any longer. Everything had changed when he had come back from the darkness and saw her watching over him. Something had changed that day. _He_ had changed. Almost dying, even if you actually want to die, changes you.

Severus knows that he is to blame. He should have told her after he realised he couldn't stop himself from writing the love letters. But he had backed out each time. Why did he feel compelled to write them? Why had he thought it reasonable to keep them in their home?

Severus sits alone in the dark, his mind full of misery.

* * *

Hermione is still broken, but she can't let her friend see the tears. She doesn't want anyone to see them. The only thing she wants is something she knows she cannot have.

"So," Harry asks, looking around curiously, "where's Snape?"

"I told him to leave," she says in a neutral tone, thinking in her mind, ' _but what reason can I give Harry? Except, of course, the obvious one.'_

"Why?" Harry echoed her thoughts.

"I told him to leave me alone. I'm in a mood. I wanted to be alone, " she says, thinking that it sounds good enough to pass as the truth.

Her friend looks at her with a skeptical expression.

"Why? Did something happen?"

Hermione's eyes harden. Harry is like her brother, but she still isn't comfortable telling him about her love life or the love letters Snape has been writing for his dead mother.

"No, nothing happened. I just wanted some _alone_ time," she says, stressing the _alone_ part.

"You really told him, didn't you? To leave you alone, I mean," he asks, stumbling over his words.

Hermione can see the surprise in his eyes. After all everyone knows how much she enjoys Severus' company.

"Yes, I did, so let's talk about something else," she says in a neutral voice, but she is sure Harry's got the message to stop prying.

"You two had a fight," He says, looking at something past her head.

She turns and sees Severus standing in the doorway with a piece of parchment in his hand.

Her eyes narrow and her shoulders tense as though expecting a blow.

"I'll just...leave you two to it," Harry says lamely and left. She supposes he has learnt his lesson about trying to play the messenger between a rowing couple.

Severus says nothing. He merely hands her the parchment.

She takes it and reads it quickly, tears gathering in her eyes.

" _Dear Hermione,_

 _I'm sorry. I love you. If it makes any difference, I finally let go of my feelings for her. I don't expect you to forgive me; you deserve the best and that's obviously not me. But if you somehow decide to settle for less, I'll prove that I mean these words. Even if it's the last thing I do. I failed you. I should have told you that I still clung to Lily. I don't know why I didn't. You could have been free._

 _You are free now, if you wish it, but I shall be forever yours._

 _Love,_

 _Severus_

Hermione looks up, her eyes shining. Silently, she stands, reaching out her hand, and he takes it, his fingers weaving together with hers. The pain and the love she feels for him fill her to bursting, and it takes her a long time to speak. He waits patiently, his own eyes filling with unshed tears.

"Forever yours," she says, finally.

"Forever yours," he repeats, bringing her lips to his.

They are both still hurting, but now they can begin to heal together.

* * *

0O0

 _Behind these hazel eyes_

 _There's love, there's pain_

 _Can't deny, can't pretend_

 _Behind these hazel eyes_

 _No one knows, how broken we're inside_

 _Does love fix it all?_

 _Does love change it all?_

 _Looking at your hazel eyes_

 _Putting my hand in yours_

 _I stay strong_

 _I stand tall_

 _Because you make me believe_

 _Love can really save it all._

 _After all, it fixed us._


End file.
